The Good – Bad – and the Ugly …

Everyone has their secrets about themselves … Things about themselves they’d never reveal to anyone or a side they’d never wanna reveal or parts of their Life they would forever like to forget. Well, I’ve been through many sessions of therapy-speaking to a Psychiatrist-etc. I’ve learned you heal faster, feel better quicker, and able to continue on with Life with the more you let it out and express yourself. So today I figured I’d share with you some things that not everyone knows about me … the Good, Bad, and the Ugly. Now everyone is entitled to their own opinions so if the things I reveal about myself offends you, sickens you, or in anyway affect you negatively … all I can say is GO TO HELL. THIS IS MY BLOG IF YOU DON’T LIKE WHAT’S WRITTEN … READ ELSEWHERE.

So first off let me tell you that I’m not like everyone else and I figured that out early on in Life and found out the hard way by painful torture and many shed tears. But being different has kinda made me a better person in a way. I not exactly saying I’m better than you or better than a average person. It’s bcuz of the experiences *mainly negative* that I’ve encountered in Life that has shaped me into having a deeper understanding, deeper respect, and deeper sense of wisdom. You’re probably asking yourself what is it that makes you so different ? Where you born with a Baboon heart ? Got a Third testicle ? No No NO !! I am not some freak or anything of that nature.

What makes me different at least to the people of ignorance is I’m disabled from the knee down. I walk with a limp and suffer from a disability affecting my calves muscles and tendons. Doctors don’t know what my condition in. But I’ve suffered with this for 28 yrs. And it’s never been an easy 28 yrs. From the day I set foot into Public school system is when my torture sentence began and continues to til very day. I have been teased, tormented, and mistreated in every way imaginable. I never made many friends if any at all. I did have people who talked to me and hung out with me but never did I or they consider me their friend. If you were to ask them today most of them will probably say … Oh, she was just some girl I talked to once in awhile or She was a girl in my class.

Anyways I don’t wanna make this a LOOOONNNGGG Blog entry so I’ll just get to the point and tell you things about myself that nobody or very few has ever know about me. Hmm …. Let’s see where should I start or how should I start ? I guess I’ll just start by making a list.

  • I’m Transgendered and someday wish to complete myself by going from woman to man. I haven’t completely decide if I’d get a sex change but it’s been on my mind.
  • I am disabled in every way : Physically, Mentally, Emotionally – I have been told I am Developmentally disabled and in fact I maybe 28 but developmentally I’m like 8 yrs. old. I am also learning disabled. My older brother always calls me retarded.
  • I am Bisexual and even though I am currently in a LONG term relationship … I do find women appealing more.
  • I talk to dolls and not like barbie dolls but Stuffed Animals. Maybe this is just pieces of my insanity but each Stuffed Animal I come across has a personality and talks to me. For example … my boyfriend gifted me a small Dalmatian pup for Valentine’s Day. It first wanted to know my Name and later Thanked me for rescuing him from the store shelf. I placed him in my purse pocket which I now carry the pup whom I named Lucky with me everywhere. I do occasionally *secretly* talk to him but usual in the mind like telepathy type speaking. Maybe that is a proof I’m off my rocker I dunno.
  • I’ve been admitted to Two(2) Mental Hospitals : College Hospital – Psych Center in Cerritos and Della Martin Center in Pasadena both of them were 72 hour stays.
  • I have attempted suicide on numerous occasions via wrist cutting and overdosing. But each and every time I end up back here on Earth breathing again. (-__-) Sad ! I can’t even succeed at killing myself.

I can’t think of other stuff about myself that not too many people know but seriously I wanna get a tattoo of a stamp that says INSANE right on my forehead. But as much as I want tattoos my current boyfriend is against them. I wonder what people would think if I went out shopping and stuff wearing a straight jacket ?? I seriously belong permanently locked away in a loony bin.

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One thought on “The Good – Bad – and the Ugly …

  1. Michael McGinnity says:

    Be strong. I know you are capable of a lot more in life. you have to let the past be the past and go on with your future. I have to do the same, and so do many others.
    I know life is hard. I know you just want to find an easy way out. so do I, but fighting for the life you want to live is much better than giving up.
    Mary, be strong, because I know you can do just about anything, and you will always be my friend.

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