Happy Friday ! Today I thought I’d just share some intimate moments about myself and give you readers/followers a bit more of an insight to who I am. Who I am … (-_-) It’s something I’ve struggled with all my Life ! Even now I’m not clearly sure who I am. Growing up I always struggled with my identity. Who am I ? Where do I belong ? Where can I fit in ? How to accept the flaws and inner beauty I possess ? How can I see what others see in me ? How can I turn my cheek and not care about what others think ? Those were some of the many questions that plagued me from the moment I was able to independently think for myself. Growing up was never easy especially when you have a physical disability that pretty much alienated you from the rest of the Quote and Quote “NORMAL” world. I never felt like I belonged anywhere like I was from another universe trying to live in a universe different from where I belonged but where was this universe and did this universe even exist ?
Anyways now for you to better know more about me as you can see from the image I posted with this post that I am Japanese. Both my parents are from Japan. Part of my struggle was excepting that I was Japanese. Being disabled I felt like I was a disgrace to the Japanese people. You don’t see too many disabled people in Japan. If there even are they hide from the general public as Japan strives on perfection and being highly regarded culture and country. I totally felt this strict disicpline during a visit to Japan with my Mom when I was about 13. I was playing outside when I came across some native kids playing outside the house my Dad grew up in. I walked over to see if they wanted to play. (-_-,) I was sadly pelted by rocks, pebbles, stones and called a monster, beast, freak, and told to go back to the cave that I came from. Never in my Life did I feel so different and more alienated than ever before.
On a train ride home my Mom tried to explain to me that Japan isn’t exposed to things like this so they don’t know how to react. There aren’t too many disabled Japanese citizens and like I said before she explained to me that if there are any with disabilities they avoid general public and social situations. She assured me that what those kids did was wrong and that I was not different than anyone else on this train or planet. (^~^) Mom’s, huh ? Always know what to say to make everything seem so much better and drown the truths of the matter with their Love and compassion.
I returned to the US after my trip to Japan not wanting to be Japanese. I was upset that having a disability was regarded as a fatal flaw that should not be exposed to the outside world. I started wishing that I wasn’t Japanese and never quite fit in with the stereotypes either. Yes, I draw well and I do draw Anime and Manga but academically I failed miserably. I didn’t get straight A’s or be on the Honor Roll. (=_=) I am a High School drop out ! I was behind on my Credits and had horrible grades that I was told I’d have to repeat the 12th grade. I did not want to be that 20 yr. old still in High School. But to be honest I blew the whole thing outta proportion. I still had friends who weren’t graduating, yet. And the counselor told me I’d more of less only spend a Semester and a half to make up my Credits so I wouldn’t truly be spending an entire year.
But immature age and poor decision making skills made me decide F*k this I’m outta here and dropped out. I did obtain a G.E.D a few months after dropping out but I’m not even sure if it’s still valid as the school I got the GED from no longer exists. Anyways before I turn this blog post into a freakin’ Harry Potter novel. It wasn’t til I was older and spent so many days, weeks, and years of my Life trying to find out who I am and where I belonged that I came to realize and accept that who I am is who I was from the day I was born. I know accept my differences and don’t care where I fit into as long as I’m happy. I embrace that I am Japanese and admit their culture may be outdated and needing to grow up and modernize themselves. But I love everything about Japan and their cultures.
Now that I’m in my 30s I start thinking back to where my parents roots are and listen to the history stories from my Mom who’s a Japanese history buff. I smile and think I am happy and proud to be Japanese. Even though I still spend my Life in honing in on Self-Enrichment and Discovery. It’s an Endless journey to finding out your Life’s purpose and it doesn’t matter what religion you are, what ethnic background you come from … we all are given a purpose in this Life and part of Life’s journey is to find out what that purpose is. Some find it instantly, Some take years and years, Some may never find it at all … But Life is nothing if you don’t at least try !
Be happy with who you are and don’t try to be or become something or someone you’re not bcuz you’re only fooling the true person you really are. We’re all aware of Haters who will dispise you for breathing the same air they do but you know what … show them mercy for they’re also on the journey to self-enrichment and discovery just their stuck with the head up their ass. They’ll get it out eventually and Life will be better for them as well. No matter what ethnic background, religion, culture, etc. We all have our flaws and every country in this world has it’s good and bad sides but what we often forget is no matter where you’re from we’re all from the same planet … Old Mother Earth ! So we are all connected in some way or form whether historically, spiritually, etc.
Well, enough Psycho Babble … \(nDn)/ It’s TGI-FRIDAY !!! Let’s get this weekend started !! Whoo Hoo … Thanxs for reading and I’ll see ya til the next time I got a Psychotic Babble. ❤ Much Love ~ Have a great weekend !!