Random Psycho-Emotional Babble …

Sometimes I just wish there was a magic pill, drink, fruit, or vegetable to eat that just makes you numb from feeling. I’m tired of caring about what other people think or say about me. It’s easy to say then don’t. But deep down inside I will always care and obsess over something one person said or thinks.

I will never be a better person or a positive person bcuz I admit I thrive off negativity. I always search for true happiness but it’ll never be found bcuz I can never be happy. Happiness sprouts from within and I will always be a unhappy person. No matter the love I get from my husband or children or family, friends, whoever … you will never be happy unless you are happy from the inside.

I can get all the surgery in the world to lose weight and be slim, pay thousands to get the perky breasts I once had in high school, or the slim waist and muscular build I had … but I will still be physically disabled and miserable. Sure, now I’m sexy on the outside but inside I am still wretched and miserable. I know for certain that my Eulogy is not gonna start with she was always happy and smiling. I am gonna die a very sad and miserable person.

Sure, you can say well, why don’t you make changes to become a happier person. No, it’s not in my DNA and is not possible to make this frown turn upside down. The world continues to live on as I wish to just hide in a dungeon or cave never to show my face ever again. I really wish I can just mysteriously disappear and see if anyone cares to look for me or wonder where I’ve gone too.

But in my misery Life continues to tick forward and there’s no way I can stop it from ceasing to exist. I must put on my mask and act happy and content whatever that is. So let me dry my tears and put back the mask I wear everyday and duct tape the cracks that appear on my already shattered soul and live another day, week, month, year in my false hope of happiness. Life must go on and as Frozen is well known for now … LET IT GO !!!


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