The What ifs of Death …

Talking about Death even the what if is never a pleasant topic but my husband and I talked about it this afternoon. Lately he’s been complaining about feeling ill and like all men he’s stubborn to go see a Doctor and get checked out. I lost my father due to this male oriented stubborn-ness. My Dad was not feeling well but put off seeing a doctor until his feelings of not being well got worse and worse. When he finally did go see a doctor he was told he has the final stage of Liver cancer and passed away a few months later.

I said to my husband you wanna be where my Father is ? Between me my Mom has three(3) children all adults and one grandchild. So when my Father passed my Mom had her two(2) eldest children to care for her. My husband and I do not have any children just two(2) dogs who are to me my children. The thought of what might happen to me if my husband were to die just makes me shudder. Being physically disabled and having lived dependent to co-dependent on others all my Life I just can’t comprehend living on my own.

Sure, my husband has money squared away for things like this but  my mentality just can’t see myself happily living in a apartment alone and doing fine. I see myself wandering the streets as a homeless person or just a wandering soul until my time comes to reunite with my loved ones who’ve gone ahead of me. Death is surely never a pleasant thing to talk about but it’s truly something that I feel should be discussed at one time in your Life. Life is short and you never know when Death would come knocking at your door or tap you in the shoulder so it’s always best to be discussed no matter how uncomfortable the topic is.

To me I’m not afraid of death as I’ve been dead from the moment I entered this earth. I don’t really see myself as alive but rather just a soul wandering this earth for a purpose, reason, and calling.

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