You Lose it, Before you Earn it … *Part 2*

gdmmzfxdec9qmgqvrwi1Well, only 1 hour before the weekend is over. This blog post is a Part 2 of my previous blog post I posted about my journey in a business opportunity with my husband. I decided that I will blog about my journey in parts not just to share the experiences with your guys but also to serve as a memory of what I went through if and when I do make it BIG in this business opportunity.

I still will not name the business opportunity company name again in respects to the company itself as well as the people who are involved. But Wow !! I mean Wow and emphasize on the WOW … I think I said in my previous post that this business opportunity will test you through all your limits, push all your buttons, and for your car enthusiasts this business opportunity will push you to the Redline !! PUSHES YOU TO YOUR BREAKING POINT !! But will it all be worth it in the end ? I don’t know. But I sure am curious to find out !!

I mean seriously !! I haven’t even physically joined into this business yet and I have broken down into tears, had micro emotional/mental breakdowns, etc. This business opportunity of which I haven’t even fully signed up or registered for has beaten me down and left me in sheer exhaustion. Let me tell you … I AM NOT A PEOPLE PERSON ! If anything I am the complete opposite.

I was never diagnosed but was told I by psychiatrists that I have Social Anxiety Disorder bcuz being around people really made me feel like I was gonna have a heart-attack, pass out, and die. My heartbeats at 1 million miles per second, I sweat, my throat starts to close up, I feel like the walls are closing in on me, and I FREAK OUT !! I was never given medication but told if you conquer your fears it will fade away and become a little easier more and more with time.

Well, growing up mostly a loner with no friends and just being that outcasted weirdo for being disabled and being bullied all my Life even by my own family kinda left me with this fear of people. I hated to be around them and disliked having anything to do with social situations which probably is the stem of my Social Anxiety Disorder. In my early 20s I started to become an aggressive person bcuz of it. If someone stared at me bcuz of the way I walked I would literally wanna grab a beer bottle break it into sharp shards and come after you saying WTF YOU STARING AT ? It was driving me to a brink of insanity !

But after I met my husband he slowly helped me overcome my Social Anxiety although never 100% gone. I am able to go to the mall, movies, and other socially crowded places like a restaurant without freaking out or having a panic attack. Why am I sharing this with you ? Well, to explain to you how uncomfortable I am with social situations. I don’t like being around a crowd of people … EVER !! But this business opportunity causes you to attend seminars, events, meetings, and event functions where you are crammed into a small conference room elbow to elbow with PEOPLE !

If you could read my mind or tap into my brain while I sit at these seminars, meetings, events, etc. I swear you’d probably burst out laughing. It’s only been my 2nd one that I attended yesterday which was like 10 HOURS LONG !! (≥⌂≤) OMFG ! But if you were to tap inside my brain while I’m at these seminars random things are going through my head to keep me calm. For example … I was mentally singing the Pokemon theme song in my head while the event guest speaker was speaking or a video/.gif clip of a kitten playing with a ball of string was playing in my head or Pikachu just winking and saying Pika Pi in his cute high pitched voice. L0L

Those types of things were what was keeping me from freaking out while being in a room full of people. There were a few times that my mental meditation if you can call it that breaks and my Anxiety starts to set in and I feel my throat closing up and my heart beating fast. I just sip some water and a deep breath and I’m back on track. But having to attend these meetings after meetings is one of the essential parts of this business opportunity. While they are not MANDATORY they are encouraged that you attend each meeting.

Now these meetings at the same time can be fun bcuz you go to places you’ve never been, cities you’ve heard of but never visited, etc. But for a person like me constantly having to attend these meetings is like being told to sit on a chair that was covered in tacks and you sit all tense trying not to relax your body bcuz the moment you do you’ll be going home with an ass plate made of tacks. Ya, that’s the metaphor I’m going with ! L0L Try and mentally picture that pincushion butt !! 😛

Another example of this business opportunity pushing you to your limits is if you’re married … pray to God you’ll still be married when you go into this business 100%. My husband and I aren’t even into this business yet ! We haven’t even joined, registered, or even started a thing. We’re just attending these meetings, seminars, etc. learning about the high ranked peoples success stories and how they got into the business, etc.

I think I talked about it in my last post that it seems like 90% of the married couples ALL experienced marital problems bcuz of and while going into this business. Some didn’t work out even after that it just broke to the point where it couldn’t be fixed and they divorced, some struggled but were able to patch things up, and many struggled, fought, and now in a healthier marriage than before they ever got into this business.

Well, I am no different !! My husband and I aren’t even in the business … Yet ! And we’ve fought, argued, tears have been shed, mean words were exchanged, silent treatments were put into place, acting like rude roommates instead of a married couple, etc. I mean it got real ugly at some times … really ugly !! (ñ3ñ) I know you drama llama lovers are like Oo, dish out the dirt ! How ugly did it get ? If you really wanna know … let’s just say I purposely removed the toilet paper in the bathroom so if he had to go #2 he was paddling down the river without his paddle. L0L

It’s funny and I laugh about it now but seriously people this business opportunity really pushes you to your limits !! I think my husband got more gray hairs now than prior to learning about this business opportunity and I’ve gained probably another 5lbs. as I’m a emotional eater. *ugh* This business opportunity has put me on edge since day 1 !! Now I can say I relate to those hamsters who run so hard in those little wheels and they run so hard they get flung out of the wheel when they stop ? I totally feel that way !!

But anyways another example I wanna share with you and this one is probably the most common one that everyone who goes into this business is gonna face is … Finances. Money, Moolah, the Green, the Jackson and Jefferson, the Cha-Ching Cha-Ching, whatever you wanna call it !! Every and ANY business opportunity requires a certain amount of principle and I don’t mean the old man who’s office you got dragged to for showing a boy you like your undies. That’s a principal. But if you ask me he’s not much of a princi-pal than a princi-bull. That’s for another blog post !

Principle is pretty much just having some money in which you’ve saved up or acquired to used towards your investment such as a business opportunity. Most business opportunities in my opinion is an investment ! You investing your time, money, and effort into it without any guarantees that it’s gonna work or return/double your investment back.

I’ve explained in some previous blog posts that I am physically disabled and unable to work due to my disability. So my husband is the sole income provider and at one point I was getting SSI *disability* income but once I got married that flew out the door as the Government went broke and started discriminating against who should receive, continue to receive, and who to get cut off. Well, I was one of the people who were cut off. No matter how unfair I thought it was.

Living on a one income lifestyle was difficult in itself. More than 90% of my husband’s pay went towards rent, bills, gas for his daily commute to work, and if there’s anything left we buy groceries. Thanks to stores like Dollar tree, 99¢ only store, etc. we’re able to buy some grocery items with what little money we had left. It was sad and depressing but I prayed for God to bless us and keep us in his care. I didn’t worry too much bcuz I had put my life and our life in his hands. I knew as long as he was in control we’ll be okay !

So with this business opportunity it didn’t require ANY money in the beginning just gas to get to the seminar meeting locations, lunch or dinner afterwards, and some clothes. Oh the clothes you have to wear … Bleh !! (≥~≤) I’m a jeans and tshirt kinda gal. I do not own one single formal or business attire-ish outfit. I had to go buy some and being a plus+ sized woman I kinda dislike clothes shopping. I have broad football player like shoulders so fitting into feminine slender shouldered women’s clothes was a pain.

But as your progress and get closer to officially joining, signing up, and registering for this business opportunity it starts to cost you. $20 here, $250 here, then $112-$150 a month, etc. It starts adding up quickly and if you are living off the pocket lint in your pockets you’re gonna stress and again … BE PUSHED TO YOUR BREAKING POINT !!! There’s a BIG event coming up that our upline sorta kinda requires us to attend and it’s a out of state weekend event.

Ok, out of state this is gonna be fun ! Book a hotel room, Enjoy sorta a mini-vacation especially since it’s getting close to my Birthday this would be like a mini pre-celebration, and getting away from the house which I’m in 24-7. I was just thinking paradise thoughts and saying … Let’s do it !! I wanna have fun !! I wanna go swim in the pool, get some nice suntan, have fun, and maybe meet up some friends that live in the area, etc.

It was all great !! I pulled out my old suitcase, dusted it off, found my swimsuits … even one I bought last Summer but didn’t use bcuz my husband didn’t wanna go swimming that Summer at all, and I started gathering things I’m gonna pack up … my travel journal, toothpaste, etc. But I wasn’t thinking about do we have the money ? I was just thinking about the fun and excitement of a out of town trip.

Then we’re like … Wait ! We haven’t booked a hotel room, yet. Let’s start browsing online for a room. *BAM* Reality hits you like a baseball home run hit right to the face. Room prices just made us *gulp* … (T~T;) Wow ! It’s that expensive ? We’re not even gonna be there that long. Oh Wow ! Do we have money to pay for that ? Let’s make a list and budget the expense costs … again … BEING PUSHED TO YOUR BREAKING POINT !!

I don’t think we can afford this trip ! My husband was like … I don’t care ! We’re going and we’ll figure out a way. I was like … The heck we are ! I didn’t wanna take this trip then get bit in the ass by the bills waiting in our mailbox or since we’re driving their our clunky old car breaks while driving there, the cost it’ll be to have AAA tow our car back all the way to our home, and the additional cost of fixing whatever broke. I just didn’t wanna risk it !! Plus I got two(2) lovely dogs who are my children in furcoats that need to be taken to the boarding place … another expense.

It got SUPER overwhelming !! I was like well there goes my suntan, there goes my dip in the pool, and trip away from home. I told my husband to text our upline and tell him … We’re not going and can’t ! I swear my husband was in tears while typing up the text. He was really crying his eyes out and it hurt me so badly inside to see him cry. It’s okay men you can cry in front of a woman but it’s not gonna feel good to see it ladies.

(=_=) I felt terrible ! It was like I had ripped out his heart, tossed it in the garbage disposal, flipped the switch, scooped out the remains, burned it to ash, swept up the ash, and tossed it in the trash. Seriously ! It was that heartbreaking to see how hurt he was that we couldn’t go on this trip. I mean I forget the whole reason I’m in this business opportunity thing is bcuz of him. This is his dream … his hope … his ambition to use this business to create a better life not just for him but for me and our future together.

I feel lower than the gum on the bottom of someone’s shoe. I literally just wanted to say … It’s okay ! We’ll just go and whatever bills are late … are late. They’ll forgive us, right ? But I know financially we can’t as we cannot afford for me to say that. As I watched him teary and typing out this text … I tried to preoccupy my brain with something more cheerful as I wanted to burst into tears myself.

I hate not having money and constantly counting the pennies in the change jar or being so happy that I found a penny on the floor in a parking lot as it leaves me a penny richer. As a wife I support my husband no matter what and I hope that his dreams and faith in this business opportunity will change things to where rather than being happy about this penny I found in the parking lot I’ll take that penny plus a check and donate it to my local charity, take that penny and a buttload of cash and say to the realtor … This house is SOLD and PAID IN FULL !

But I can’t predict the future. I don’t know whether this business will work for us and if we’ll be the monopoly winners of this Life. It’s an investment ! You just invest and hope the odds are in your favor. This business opportunity asks questions and one of them is WHY…Why are you in this business opportunity ? My why ? MY WHY IS MY HUSBAND !!

I don’t know whether this business is gonna work but I do know one thing … I am going to work my butt off to make it work not just for myself but mostly for my husband !! I don’t wanna see him working til he’s old and gray just to keep a roof over our head, food on the table, and clothes on our backs. I want him to be able to wake up in the morning to garden with me in our beautifully landscaped yard, I want him to be able to get on a boat and go deep sea fishing, I wanna go on vacations outside this country, visit his and my family who live in other countries regularly, and most importantly to not have to worry do we have money to take this trip, do we have enough money to pay for this months bills, do we have enough money to buy groceries, etc. I wanna say buy groceries ? Heck ! Let’s buy the entire grocery store chain !! L0L My dogs will run and own their own boarding pet hotel !! L0L

We all have the right to dream but how many of you are willing to make those dreams a reality and not let these Life issues and mountain climbs called Life bother you any longer ? Chasing your dreams will build escalators to just ride easily up those mountain climbs in Life and helicopter flight you over them to see the beautiful Pangea *Earth* from high above. This is definitely a journey and LIFE in itself is a journey ! Nowhere in the bible does it says Life is gonna be easy but it’s definitely gonna be worth it !! #DREAMBIG

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